If your brother or sister is childless and you’ve asked them to baby sit your kids, you may have been greeted after the experience with the comment – I don’t know how you do it – followed up with – please don’t call me to baby sit again. It’s a not-entirely surprising reaction to spending a few hours with somebody else’s kid when you don’t have kids of your own. Without the day to day experience of raising our own children, we’re just not prepared for how demanding kids can really be. But for a real surprise, as my experience has shown, try handling a child when they are sleep-deprived.
Depending on their age, children can be pushy, demanding, poor listeners, obnoxious, rude and as well mannered as pigs. It takes a parent whose voice carries a bit of authority and the proven willingness to carry through on threats of time-out, grounding or dessert denials to really make an impact. Even then, folks, it’s sometimes a crap shoot and when lack of sleep is factored in, all bets are off.
My most recent lesson on the importance of sleep in determining a child’s demeanor came from what was supposed to be a relaxing summer vacation. It’s the kind of thing you think you’ll do every year until you actually do it. Then you find yourself doubting you’ll ever do it again. My trip was no exception and I’m loath to try it again.
Our trip took us to the coast for a relaxing stay at a friend’s timeshare beach house (relaxing was the intention, at least). My friend’s vacation home is a well appointed but modest affair. To cut down on costs, my sister-in-law, Jennifer, and her husband, George, joined us. Unfortunately, their presence significantly reduced the amount of available space. Bed sharing ended up our only real option so our week long stay consisted of my wife, my daughter, my son and I all crammed onto a queen-sized mattress while Jennifer and George enjoyed the luxurious comfort of their bed.
You’d think, crammed into one bed, a family of four wouldn’t get a great night’s sleep. And if that’s the thought you thunk, you’d have thunk correctly. Surly moods and grumpy demeanors were the norm for all of us; all but Jennifer and George who, absent kicking children in their bed, slept just fine. To level the playing field a bit, my wife negotiated baby sitting duties with her sister one evening so that we might get a little breather. We milked it for all it was worth and spent a quiet evening away from the kids, strolling along the beach and enjoying a wonderful meal at a local restaurant.
We returned home in the early evening to utter destruction and mayhem. It was almost as if somebody had picked up the beach house, upended it and given it a good shake before setting it back down. We stood in the doorway, mouths agape, taking the destruction in. Then we saw Jennifer walk into view with my flailing son Nick under one arm. She glared at us. We gawked back at her wild hair and wide-eyed fury. Then my wife and I broke out in uncontrollable laughter. Jennifer did not join us.
As the rest of the trip wound down, tempers eased a bit. It wasn’t that we learned how to deal with the problems created by sleep deprivation so much as we simply grew accustomed to the inevitability of it and numb to the resulting problems. Jennifer and George spent much of the remaining time away from the house. As for my wife and I, tired, screaming, temperamental children and short fuses were just a part of the experience. But the trip home was another story entirely.
With one last night of terrible sleep weighing on all of us, just packing everything up and finding widely scattered toys for the return trip was enough to fray everybody’s nerves. We’d have spent the 3 hour drive home in sullen silence were it not for a constant barrage of crying and complaining from the kids in the back seat. I’ve never been so happy to see my own home and the whole family went their separate ways until we could finally crawl into our beds later that night. By morning, thanks to a good night’s sleep for all of us, all was forgiven and my wife and I considered the lesson we’d learned.
Ultimately we’d relearned something we’d already known; that a tired, sleep deprived child coupled with a tired, sleep deprived adult is a guaranteed recipe for disaster. By now, Jennifer has forgiven us. She’s even offered to baby sit our kids again provided they have been assured a good night’s sleep.
As for taking another summer trip with us, Jennifer and George are still on the fence. I think we can wrangle them along if we plan ahead next time. That means making smart sleeping accommodations, bringing along an inflatable bed or two for the kids and rotating out the responsibility of watching my little hellions a bit more frequently so no one person is taxed too severely for any length of time. These are simple solutions to a problem we should have anticipated in advance. I’ve assured my sister-in-law it’s going to be better next time. I’m hoping she’s just enough of a sucker to believe me.
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